The Cord

So the fall continued. Josh starting the process to get out of the Army, me driving 70 miles to school and 70 miles back to Clarksville 4 days a week. Julia in the mean time hated her new preschool.

The classes were huge, around 30 kids a class, they were loud and uncontrolled. Multiple time Julia came home with bumps, bruises and even bite marks. Everyday was a fight to drop her off, she would cry and scream and hang on to us like we were leading her to her death. But there was nothing we could do about it. We could not afford any place else and it was only a temporary thing. 

November finally rolled around and my pregnancy was finally easing up. I was not sick as often anymore and I could feel the baby moce every once in awhile. At the 20 week mark we made our way back to Knox for the day for the 20 week ultrasound. We watched in amazement as we saw images of our baby flash on the screen. We were told it was a boy and while we were soaking that in I noticed the lady stop and flash a picture of something and typed, '2 vessel cord' on the screen. I knew there was suppose to be 3 vessels in the umbilical cord. As soon as we made it back to the truck I started googling what that meant. I couldnt find any definate answers on anything so I let it go for the time being.

A few weeks later I got a callfrom my midwife. She wanted to send me to Nortons in Louisville to have a better ultrasound done to check babys measurements. If that doctor determined there was something wrong I would be transfered to them and put on partial bed rest. We finally made it to that appointment day and all of our fears were put to ease when the doctor viewed the ultrasound and said everything was fine and I could stay at Knox. He recommended a NST and growth scan at every appoinment until I delivered. By this point it had become clear that Julia and I would be moving back to Etown without Josh in December. I would be delivering here around my support system and Julia would be back at ECA where she was comfortable and could learn more. We made the decision for me to attend the Etown campus for the Spring semester since I am on track to graduate in December and my due date was so close to the end of the semester. At this point baby was still nameless.

The Blood Clots

Josh and I headed back to Etown after spending the day working on the house in Clarksville. We decided it was best for him to  go to the ER at Knox instead of Campbell. We didn't have to wait long before a doctor examined him and started asking blood clot related questions.
wait...blood clots? At 25? Not making any sense...
By the time they called a ultrasound tech in it was 2am and Josh sent me home to get some rest and get Julia who had been staying with my sister. Then a few hours later the text came from Josh, it was blood clots. A large one and a few smaller ones in his right leg. The large one, right next to the shrapnel he received at some point the previous summer in Afghanistan.
The shrapnel had caused the blood clots to form over about a years time...the army doctors didn't catch it at all. Even with all the MEDVACS to Kandahar and post-deployment followups.


The doctors at Knox started Josh on shots of Lovenox and his doses of coumadin to try to keep the blood clotsnfrom getting bigger. They said he would be on the the coumadin for the rest of his life. So not only do we have a baby on the way, Josh could die at any moment if his blood clot moves....forever. This meant the end of his Army career as well as any other job that would require a great deal of physical activity. All this time, I am sick as can be with the pregnancy and still trying to make it all work some how.

Part 1

To continue from last night.....

Josh returned from deployment #5 in April 2011, everything was great for about a month, until the end of May. At the end of May Josh's (and Tom's) best friend Jesse got married. I was, and still am, truely happy for Jesse and Rachel it started the thinking process. I realized I was a baby when Tom and I got married and we had no business getting married the way we did. But we did anyway and it's all history now. Then it dawned on me that there is a greater chance Josh and I would never get married than that we would. I had never really thought about it before. The timing would never be right and honestly we make more money not married so why mess with a good thing?

It's all the image you display to other people. When you introduce your boyfriend vs. your husband people take the husband more seriously. Plus, boyfriend makes you sound as if we are in middle school still. The relationship Josh and I have leans more toward husband/wife than holding hands in the hallway and sitting next to each other during lunch. Having it hit me that we will never be husband and wife in the middle of Jesse's wedding was like an emotional brick wall that shut me down. I spent the rest of the evening being upset about that and pissed I was all dressed up and had a sitter for Julia and Josh didn't want a date night. He just wanted to go to sleep, not what I wanted at all.

So the summer went on. June was uneventful and the 4th of July was fun. Then a few weeks later everything seemed to explode. Without going into details and making one or both of us look bad we got into a huge fight that still lingers today. The only way we could agree to fix it was to have a joint facebook where we would discuss the people we add and have Julia and me move to Ft. Campbell until Josh could get transfered to Ft. Knox in the fall. Then one Sunday morning I realized I didn't start my period so a quick pregnancy test later Josh and I sat
staring at those 2 lines indicating the pregnancy hormone was present in my urine.

Now what? Josh was still suppose to get transfered to Ft. Knox sometime before Christmas and I wasn't due until March so we went ahead with the plan of moving Julia and me down to Campbell. All the while trying to keep me as stress free as possible because of my medical history of ovarian cysts. We didn't want to risk anything, especially by announcing it to everyone when I had not even seen a doctor yet. So we kept quiet, only telling immediate family and super close friends the news.

A few weeks after we found out we began the move. We had to find a pet friendly place to live. We ended up with Shrapnel at some point in all this. We also had to enroll Julia in the preschool/daycare program on post. I also had to switch all my classes to WKU main campus for the semester. I was taking a total of 15 hours and driving 70 miles to and home from school 4 days a week.

Then the day Josh and I were moving things into the new house his right leg from the knee down began to swell and hurt so badly he could barely walk. So we headed home and to the ER at Ft. Knox.

So much has changed

It's been a rough day with the baby. There is so much left to say and nobody to really say them to. I hate complaining to friends and family. So many of them have problems of their own. And at my 6 week post-pardem visit they mentioned a support group on Thursday's if I was interested. I would love a place to vent but I don't think a group setting would be best. After all would you feel comfortable sharing after hearing my story? Probably not, I don't even like sharing any more info than I have to share.

So now let's back up a like a year. I know I have zero readers but I think it will help me feel better getting it out regardless. Please excuse any typos, misspelled words, etc.,this will be written with 1 finger, on my tablet, over the course of feedings. Plus I somehow managed to cut the tip of my right index finger during dinner and I have a bandaid on, so the touch screen is pretty difficult.

Well come to think of it I think it would be best to break it all down into multiple entries so I don't risk losing anything.

More to come....